I’m trying to make new friends. It’s an awkward thing to do as an adult. Even harder as an introvert…
It’s pretty easy when we’re kids, right? Everything is simpler. We haven’t had time to develop self-doubt. It’s just, “Wanna play?” “Sure!” Great. Friends for life.
In the U.S., culture and marketing inundates us with ideas that we should have immediate gratification from everything. Fast food, fast love, fast cars, fast abs. Get everything you want in six minutes or less. If you don’t, you lose.
That’s not reality. In truth, it takes a lot of time to get to know someone, to develop a relationship. Look at the definition of develop. It means “to grow, cause to grow and become more mature, advanced or elaborate; to start to exist, experience or possess.”
Development cannot happen in a single 30-minute coffee house rendezvous. Even after 10 years of marriage, I continue to learn new things about my husband and it always surprises me. I would imagine people who have been married 50 years would say the same. Humans are complex beings.
Like a bottle of good red wine needs to mix with some air and sit for a bit to allow the full complexity of flavors to emerge, we all have layers of personality that require time to be realized.
So you felt kind of uncomfortable at the first coffee date? Try again, a second time. And a third. You like to hike, eat out or go to the movies? Make a date. Join a group. Pick up the phone or send a text. It can take six to eight experiences with someone before we feel like we made a friend. Be brave, be vulnerable, believe that with time it will develop.
Don’t give up. Your new friend is out there, waiting for your call!